were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
Randomize
