we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
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