I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
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