it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
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