he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
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