I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
Randomize
