I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
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