can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
Randomize
