She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Randomize
