Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
