can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
Randomize