someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
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