I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
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