She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
I'm determined to sit on that face.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
