you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
Randomize
