My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
Randomize
