Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
Drake has all the answers
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
God, I missed his penis.
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
