i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
we're so committed to being not committed
Randomize
