I think scott just propositioned me for sex
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Randomize
