plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
