this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
YAS. BRING CRAB.
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