We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
Randomize
