You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
Randomize
