She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
Randomize
