Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
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