You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
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