Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
Randomize
