3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
Randomize
