Ambien. No doubt about it.
ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
