I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
Randomize
