wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
