My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
Randomize
