Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
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