i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
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