you're drinking in the law library????
...not a bad idea....
probably not a good idea either.
Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
Randomize
