my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
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