I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
Randomize
