i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
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