I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
How many fucks given?
0.12846
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