Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
Randomize
