Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
Randomize
