im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
