do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
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