The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
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