After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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