Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
