Your mouth is God's brothel.
Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
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I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
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My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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