what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
These 25 People Forgave their Significant Others for Saying Stupid Things
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...