that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
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My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
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Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT