I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Randomize
