There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
You need Xanax blowdarts
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
