If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
Randomize
