omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
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