And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
Little spoons don't ask big questions
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
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