Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
just come out here and I will go home with you...
omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Randomize
