Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
