Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
Randomize
