I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
Randomize