i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
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