i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
