Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
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