He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
Randomize
