I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
