no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
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